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I love this season.

i havenapos;t been taking any pictures lately. I probably should.. I really miss it. And i just remember one year ago being so much better than where iapos;m at now. I miss last year. I hope 09apos; is amazing. I will finally be 21, and halfway to my degree (maybe more than half, i donapos;t know haha) but i can feel it, and itapos;s telling me that 09apos; will bring many new great things and challenges into my life. I gotta grow up and stop being so afraid of everything, though.

iapos;m supposed to be hanging out with ravyn tomorrow after my classes and who knows what we will do but i really want to go to capitol hill or queen anne. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed pictures. And i neeeeeeeed to see my friend whom i have not seen in forevaaa i love youuu ravyn lucky betch turns 21 in 6 days

i miss old friends, and wish things could be how they once were. But iapos;ll never get those days back. So i must move on and meet new people. I want to make new friends. I hate being shy because i never meet anybody that way.. But thereapos;s this girl in my math class and i was talking to her today and she seems pretty rad. Sheapos;s from poland. And she lives downtown seattle. She said itapos;s crazy haha. My brother lives down there, too.
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I am barely awake. I am making an effort to be more awake. 3 spotty hours of sleep will do that. I really am trying to sleep a little more med free. I am out of the stuff to and was stupid and did not refill my stuff Saturday. Gah. Steven takes the same thing, but I figured I should try again. I am bad insomniac. My mind hates me at night. It does not shut up. Itapos;s horrible. So I take a prescribed tranquilizer. >_> Gah. I have too many hamster babies. Double gah. I would like to hit the sack right now wearing Brendonapos;s hoodie. Weapos;ve been together almost a year. Well, just go ahead and count it a year. I am happy. Very happy.

I miss my friends, though. I have not seen and hung out with any of them for so long. I feel lonely for friends. UGA just makes me feel more adrift.
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Zach and Andrea are coming today I canapos;t wait to see them, I like getting visitors from home :). It just so happens that todayapos;s the coldest day weapos;ve had so far, so i have been force to turn the heat on. If it were just me here, I would just cuddle under a blanket and it would be fine, but I donapos;t think that itapos;s fair to make my guests do that, especially because theyapos;re sleeping here too.

I was looking online to find out more about a hiking trail near my apt and thought it might be a good idea to bring Z A there. However, they pointed out on the website that it is hunting season and although they gave tips on how to be safe, it still freaked me out. So thatapos;s out of the picture. I guess weapos;ll just go shopping or something.

On another note, Jess and I went to the mall last night. I did almost half of my christmas shopping Even though itapos;s only October, Iapos;m now ready for Christmas to come right now It was also a relief, because I usually wait and canapos;t find anything at the last minute, so it feels good to know that I have at least some of it under my belt. Jess also bought Wii DDR and it is pretty much impossible You have to do both the feet on the pad and hand moves with the controller. Itapos;s INSANE

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Shit, I donapos;t wanna stand him up. Grrrr, but I really donapos;y wanna go. We havenapos;t even met before Fuck, Iapos;m gonna feeel really bad if he calls like 30 mintues before the dance and is all excited and shit. I hate myself. SHIT Hahahah, I didn;t wake up to go to school today Nothing went off. Iapos;m not even lying Hahaha, if the Police rolled up in my house and wanted ot do a survey or some shit like that on me and asked "do you and your parents get along??" Iapos;d stand up an yell FUCK�NO Iapos;m outtie 5000.


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Thinkin about some thots.

Feeling a very large feeling. Something to do with what Iapos;m going to do with my future.
I was thinking before about going to London. I donapos;t know why, I guess I think of London on some level as the rockapos;napos;roll capitol of the world, and kind of different from New York. I think I just want to get away and, like, be somewhere completely unfamiliar on my own terms. Jordan is kinda neat but itapos;s not on my own terms, I really feel like thatapos;s part of the experience, being on my own terms.

Thinking about the band, and Jean. I think itapos;s going to be a problem that Jeanapos;s hanging on this band to be successful, and in a way thatapos;s very much up to me as the main creative force... Well I guess if we played the same songs forever thatapos;d be fine. I guess itapos;s not really up to me. But I feel like Iapos;m going to have to leave her behind at some point or something. Especially with this whole apos;on my own termsapos; thing.

I donapos;t really like the way I look right now. I look like Iapos;m really tired, almost sick. Iapos;ve got this sore on the side of my mouth.

I want to jam Carolyn, I hope I can do that when I get home.

My life is really small, and coming here and realizing exactly whatapos;s involved in flying to another country, itapos;s much less than I thought, I guess.
Itapos;s sort of making me nervous to think that the next thing Iapos;m going to have to do is travel somewhere else, and find a place to stay, and stay there for a while, on my own terms. Iapos;m also going to have to get a job when I get back to Brighton.
I feel like a lot of my intimidation feelings are based on whether I decide to feel intimidated by something, like whatever is the biggest, most intimidating thing happening, I will make a big deal out of.
Especially the job thing. I donapos;t really want to go back to work at Granite, but I donapos;t really want to go back to work anywhere. That might be the problem.

I donapos;t know if recording local bands is going to make me satisfied. I donapos;t know whatapos;s going to satisfy me. Something sort of "large," somehow. I donapos;t know what constitutes "largeness," I need to figure that out.
I donapos;t know if it means global success, or global fame, or just something that has a global effect that i had something to do with. The only way I can imagine this large ambition embodying itself is through covering a large geographical area.
Also I think that Jenna whatshername from the Office, Iapos;ve seen her in two different movies the past few nights and sheapos;s really fcking cute. I know sheapos;s just playing characters, but...
Thereapos;s a lot of people out there, and I just should keep waiting rather than feeling pressured to get with somebody.

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Can anyone help me?

I have a couple of painting updates from about a week ago, but I canapos;t post the images. I was logged out of my Photobucket account, and it wanted me to reset my password (actually LJ was the same, I think something went wrong with the computer. I never log out of my accounts, apart from DA and Paypal). But Photobucket now no longer recognises my Yahoo email address. It apparently sent me a reset password email, to the email address connected to my username... Which IS my yahoo one, I donapos;t have any other email addresses. But I didnapos;t get it. If I try and enter my email address it just says itapos;s not recognised.

I posted a question about it on Yahoo Answers, and it says I have not posted any questions. *rolls eyes* Yahoo has been completely effed up for the past week.

so until I get this sorted I canapos;t update this blog anymore. Since I am taking a break from DA, I guess that means youapos;ll be seeing no more of me

Iapos;m really wound up right now, I could do without this...


apart from that, do I have anything to say about art (since that is what this blog is supposed to be about)
well yeah I do. I had a bit of an epiphany I suppose. I actually realised Iapos;m not as good as maybe I thought I was. Iapos;ve always had a levelheaded attitude to my art, I know Iapos;m not the best at it but also I know I can knock out something fairly decent. But Iapos;ve been looking really closely at other peopleapos;s art lately and I just feel like what I do is not enough. Iapos;m never satisfied anymore. apos;Fairly decentapos; is not good enough, I want to be much much better. And I feel Iapos;m not getting better, in fact if anything the quality of my art is going backwards with each new piece I do.

Plus I never have the time anymore to actually sit down and do things properly. I never have enough hours in a row, I end up doing something fast just because I feel like I NEED to draw... And Iapos;m just disappointed in what results.

Not really sure what to do about it.
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Hi guys. Donapos;t kill me for going awol, okay? Iapos;ve been keeping my journal in myspace this year. Itapos;s lame, I know, especially since Iapos;ve had this livejournal since 2003 or early 2004 or whatever. So, Iapos;ve made my return to livejournal. Maybe itapos;ll help inspire me.

so hereapos;s where my life stands right now: I live in Corinth, Mississippi with Lee in our large rental house with our angora bunny, Bebe Kiddo. Lee is happily and gainfully employed with a local company here. I am unemployed. There is nothing really for me to do around here. So, I try to make myself useful with craft projects and whatnot, but lately havenapos;t been doing a very good job. Lee and I both have Facebooks, so if you havenapos;t added us on there, look us up ummmmmmmmm.......... Yeah. My lipring hole never healed up, so I picked up a horseshoe the other day and am happily wearing it. Iapos;m almost done reading "Anansi Boys" by Neil Gaiman. Iapos;m hoping to pick up "The Graveyard Book" while we are in Birmingham this weekend. We are going to the Magick City Pagansapos; Witchesapos; Ball this Saturday Iapos;m so excited

so yeah. Iapos;m alive. I updated. I am making plans to start blogging regularly again.

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I have heard too many people say lately that they were so disgusted by the state of the election and the quality of the candidates that they were simply not going to vote. Iapos;m not talking about those folks who have said "Iapos;m not going to vote for either major party candidate," but the people who said they were not going to vote AT�ALL. This absolutely disgusts me. People, there are very few rights and privileges that you still have. More and more are taken away from you everyday it seems. For Peteapos;s sake, exercise this right; especially if you are a woman or an African American.�Maybe some people donapos;t realize this since all the focus is on the presidential election, but�there are local elections�going on as well. Voting in these elections is extremely important and more�likely to impact�your�own little world.��

If you donapos;t like either candidate, vote third party. If you donapos;t like that option, write in a name. Write your own name, write your dogapos;s name, hell, write in my dogapos;s name. For the record, Dixieapos;s platform is milk bones and belly rubs for all. Just vote.
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We had a great deal to work through today. I think it is I giving my tutor a class on business. Itapos;s been rather eventful. I also thought about what I can do for the talent competition tomorrow. I am considering playing the piano. Itapos;s somethign I know I can do that few others might be able to. And I do miss playing. That one night with Yuushi was not enough for me.

Also, I have a request to make. Marui...I wish to ask for something. Would you be opposed to autographing a box of pockey and a picture for Jirou. He is depressed because he could not come and I thought such a thing might put him into high spirits.
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